A guy like me is gunna use a power tool. Thankfully I now have a proper means of learning to use some fun shit ! I bought this THICK ass chain from good ol' lowes and sawed up one link using the grinder. Then I flattened it using a larger grinder, and finally cut up some nails so they were short enough to not go all the way through the wood, and welded them to the chain. At first I was going to simply glue the chain to the wood but mr. Scott recommended that I really get in there with some nails, I am very grateful for the suggestion because that wood is absolutely attached without any glue!
My little wooden man has been covered in 4 delicious coats of polyurethane, I used the boat varnish that Lalana recommended to me like a year ago lol. Its Rust-Oleum Marine Coatings Spar Varnish. I had previously attempted to flock the piece just using spray adhesive, then hated that and sanded it off. Then tried to flock it using wood glue, hated that and sanded it off. I realized that the adhesive was soaking into the wood and not sticking properly because I didn't seal the wood ! Hopefully with these coats of poly it will be nice and ready to get some flock stuck to it.